My Hijab Story

*I originally wrote this post for Ameena's blog, but I also decided to post it here. As you may know, I'm a Muslim that wears a hijab. Below I share my experience of what it's like to wear it.*

What is hijab? Why do Muslim women wear hijab? Does wearing the hijab make you a better Muslim than someone who doesn’t? These are just some commonly asked questions which some hijabi women are faced with and I hope to address these questions by interlinking them with my own experience of wearing the hijab.

The hijab is something that has always interested me. I was incredibly curious as a child, and as a little girl there were many things that I was looking forward to when I became older. Some were fairly typical things like going shopping on your own etc, but wearing the hijab was actually one of them. I was always fascinated by it, so at the age of ten, I started wearing the hijab full-time. I say full-time because at six years old, I started wearing it, but it really was on-and-off. Other girls in my class were staring to wear it so I decided that I should wear it too. I started attending weekend classes at the mosque and covering the hair was a requirement. This was entirely my own choice. My parents neither told me, nor advised me to wear the hijab at this point. I wasn’t really committed as I felt that I was a bit too young to undertake such a task. But when I started wearing the hijab properly (and my mum continually advising me to keep to it), I started secondary school and that’s when the doubts started to show up.

Being curious gives an obvious indication that you’re constantly searching for answers. I didn’t really know why Muslim women had to cover their heads.  I just started wearing it blindly because really wanted to know how it felt like, not necessarily for what it was about or represented. I remember asking my mum why the hijab was necessary, and her response was “because you’re Muslim, you need too.” This answer, for me, was inadequate. It didn’t explain anything to me. I knew that Muslim women had to wear it, but what is the purpose? Why has God made it obligatory upon women to cover their heads? This crucial question was finally answered four years later.

I won’t delve into great detail why the hijab is worn otherwise this post will be really long, but the central issue which hijab revolves around is modesty. The word ‘hijab’ originates from the Arabic word ‘hajaba’ meaning to cover; hence this explains the covering of the head to the chest. God revealed this commandment in Surah An-Nur, verse 30, adding that other parts should also be covered, therefore suggesting that there is much more to hijab than just covering your head. This is where modesty comes to play. It allows the sexuality of women to be concealed, away from the public eye and femininity to be brought out. This point really resonated with me. By covering myself with what seems a simple cloth, it carries huge symbolic meaning. I feel liberated, secure, and ultimately, proud. I feel happy that I am representing my religion and I’m pleased to be identified as a Muslim woman, and if anything, it’s the complete contrary to the modern, ‘liberalist’ outlook of what hijab is. Criticism permeates, and almost everywhere, you’ll hear the same old recycled arguments of what hijab is: the fact that it’s oppressive, misogynistic, and the fact women being forced to wear it without a choice. Well actually, my experience completely defies this myth, as hijab to me is liberty, equality but most importantly, humility. It’s my best friend. I don’t wear it to impress men; I wear it to please my Lord.  It completely conveys my identity as a woman. I don’t think that I would be the same person if I wasn’t wearing it. The fact that a simple garment can make you feel this way only heightens the symbolic weight of the hijab. It doesn’t interfere with anything. I prefer to be judged by what’s inside my head and not what’s on it.

Of course, over the years, it hasn’t all been plain sailing. Living in the Western world has its hardships for any Muslim, and wearing the hijab is indifferent. As I mentioned beforehand, I had some doubts wearing the hijab at some point, but starting to understand its meaning really strengthened my conviction to wear it. I also think that living in such a diverse city like London made the matter a lot less daunting, some people are friendly and completely open-minded which really does make you feel at home. It wasn’t a huge deal as it is for some, or as emotional. However, you still get the dirty looks. Thinking about it, that’s probably a London thing anyway.

Perhaps what I’d like to address the most is the issue of passing judgement. As you may know, not all Muslim women wear the hijab and this is entirely their own choice, just as someone who decides to wear it. Let me tell you something, never ever judge or compare the two. Never do it. Just because a sister wears the hijab and the other doesn’t automatically make you a better Muslim and it is this very thought that has angered me so much. I’ve come across people saying “I can’t take someone who speaks about Islam who doesn’t wear the hijab seriously” or “you’re not a real Muslim if you don’t wear the hijab”. Such remarks are both pretentious and absolutely vile. For all you know that person may have a higher Iman than you and that she practices her faith better than you. This isn’t providing an excuse by any stretch of the word, all I am saying is that you shouldn’t judge any Muslim woman on the premise of whether they wear the hijab or not or whether they’re dressed modestly. That’s none of your business. There is a fine line between giving someone advice and judging them, so if you care for the person so much, advise them in private rather than exposing their faults in public. That isn’t doing you any favours. Leave the judging between the woman and her Lord. Remember, when someone is in hardship, you sincerely pray for them – not bash them. By bashing, you are making them move further away, which isn’t your intention.

My advice to anyone thinking about wearing the hijab or has starting wearing it is to refine your intentions. Know why you are deciding to wear this. By refining your intentions, you’ll know whether you’ll be wearing hijab for the right reasons. Secondly comes perseverance. This isn’t easy and there is no doubt that you will encounter some difficulty along the way, but take baby steps. This way, coming to terms with change will be a lot easier. Thirdly, pray to God that He makes it easy for you. Ultimately, you are wearing hijab to please God and no one else.

I pray to God that everyone’s efforts of wearing the hijab are rewarded and to those considering, to make it easy for them. Ameen.